Fruit 4 Faith

So I had made a promise to God and to myself that I was going to witness to at least ten people this year. At the time, I really didn’t think I had more than five names to put on the little “Evangelism Bookmark.” And once I filled it up with names of friends, co-workers, and aquaintances, I suddenly realized that I forgotten one very important person. And instantly, I cringed at the thought of having to witness to the most condescending, judgmental, temperamental, critical, pessimistic, anal retentive, know-it-all I have ever known. But God made it perfectly clear, I have to witness to my dad.

I grew up in a secular society and so did my parents and grandparents. The idea of having faith in anything but self is a far off concept. After we came to the states, my mother had no trouble putting her faith in Christ. In fact, she claims that God had spoken to her on several occasions to not give up on herself.  But my father was not so easily convinced. While he is not against my mother and I going to church, he doubts the bible as a whole and has a hard time accepting a loving and all-knowing God. He thinks that faith is for the weak-minded and at best, religion is simply a means for good works.

Now I have been a Christian for ten years and the thought of witnessing to my dad rarely ever crossed my mind. Granted, I was an immature teenager for most of this time, but in my own way, I had qualified him as one who would never understand or be in need of God. But three days ago, God once more placed this upon my heart. I turned to God and argued that my father was an extremely temperamental man and that if I tried to witness to him, he would dismiss me at best, or turn on me at worst. I pleaded with God to send someone else.

It was then that God chose to make a turn onto memory lane. My mind was suddenly was flooded with images from my childhood. My dad and I were very close when I was little. My mother was busy with school and work and it always Daddy who took me to school and picked me up. He always made my favorite dishes and bought me picture books every time he went on a business trip. When my mom left for the States, he had to take care of me by himself for a year. I was only seven years old and I remember that he would get up extra early to make my lunch and take me to school. At night, he’d help me with my homework and teach me to play various boardgames and puzzles. My mother never liked for me to have candy, but Daddy would buy me chocolates and ice-cream, which were considered delicacies at that time in China.

After my parents were re-united in the States, he struggled with school and work. But he made an effort to teach me Chinese so I won’t forget my heritage. He supported me in my decisions from high school to college. He planned my college funds so well that I was able to graduate from an elite private university with two advanced engineering degrees and zero debt.

But was he always a nice guy? Absolutely not. Even my mom can attest to the fact that he was condescending, arrogant, critical, temperamental, and anal retentive. But he was always there for me. He taught me the difference between right and wrong. He taught me to be hunble and respect authority. He taught me enough about repentance so that when the Spirit reached out to me at age 15, I was wise and humble enough to accept eternal life. He raised me well, even though he wasn’t lucky enough to be raised that way himself.

The truth is, my dad loved me too much to let me grow up undisciplined and self-destruct as an adult. And I love him too much to let him slip into a place where God is not for all eternity. So with great difficulty and much determination, I will pray hard for the day when my earthly father reunites with my heavenly Father.

“I know I’m filled to be emptied again, the seed I’ve received I will sow.”

Hillsong

Today I attended the “How to Share Your Faith Workshop” knowing full well that at the end of it all, I was going to live out all that I had learned at the Tysons mall. This detail alone almost made me chicken out of signing up for the workshop. But this same detail also made me realize how much I needed to do this both for God and for myself.

In the ten years that I have been a Christian, I had only shared my faith on select occasions with select people. Close friends are usually the ones that I am most comfortable with for sharing faith. I rarely shared my faith with strangers and never dared bring it up with my own dad. But all the while, I knew that testimony was a key component of the Christian lifestyle. I guess I never thought I would be good at evangelism.

So this afternoon, I forced myself to witness to strangers, as was required by the workshop. I was nervous and somewhat terrified. I was met with rejection over and over but each time I stepped out in faith, it got a little easier and my faith got a little stronger. That even though people may not readily receive what I was saying, a monumental change was taking place inside of me. Ironically, it was at this time when I realized that sharing my faith was not at all about me. In fact, serving God was never supposed to be about me. The Christian lifestyle is about sacrifice and self-denial. As shown in the following verses:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.” Philippians 3:8.

“²⁹The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. ³⁰He must become greater; I must become less.” Johns 3:29-30

In fact, God had been showing me these principles over the last few months and gently prompting me to lay down every “idol” in my life. And obediently, I had laid down quite a few, but in many ways, I was still living a self-centered life. It wasn’t until today that I completely let go of my own self-interests and freely gave what I had been given. True, I was met with rejection on several occasions and my emotions were going wild. But I didn’t give in to my feelings and kept going. My mind started making a list of all the people that I encountered on a regular basis but I had never shared my faith with. The goal for the year was supposed to be 10 people but my list is now pushing 15.

After the workshop, my friend and I wanted to keep evangelizing so we went to a local Starbucks and got some coffee. I tried to speak to some people but no one was really interested. I now know that evangelizing was much harder than it looked. Then we sat down and I pulled out one of the tracts that we were given to hand out. It the NIV version of book of John. I turned to a page and read, “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of Him show sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life…”  John 6:37-40.

And just like that, I was filled passion to keep doing His will.

As my day concluded semi-fruitlessly, I didn’t care. I was so on fire and filled with joy with what God had doing in my heart. Having served God for years, this was the the first time that I felt completely fulfilled. And I didn’t want that to end. Evangelism is a lifestyle, not an event. I have to continue if I want to live a life that speaks to all of heaven.

Then, as I walking out of the metro, a woman walking alongside of me made a comment about the traffic in the snow. I seized the opportunity to engage her in small talk about whether she lived in the area and such. Then when I learned that she had been attending church regularly for some time, I took my friend’s advice and gently asked her if there’s anything she needed to be prayed for. She immediately opened up and told me that she recently lost her sister to pancreatic cancer. Her sister died 12 days after her diagnosis at 56 years of age. My heart went out to her and I told her that I would keep her and her family in my prayers as we parted ways.

And so I learned that it was simply my job to sow and water the seeds and God will make them grow. And that I should be like the sower in Jesus’s parable in Matthew 13, “A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. ⁸Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. ⁹He who has ears, let him hear.”

If we think carefully, God is the one who owns all the seeds and He knows exactly which soil is shallow and which is good. Yet in His generosity He sows the same number of seeds upon all types of soil. In that same way, I just need to freely sow. For as Leo said during the workshop, we can easily count how many seeds come from one apple, but who know how many apples can come from one seed?

And so the floodgates have been opened and I can no longer keep my faith to myself. That while I may not know much about doctrine or theology, I know God’s power and the joy that I can have by living in full obedience to His will. I have a God who is bigger than anything else in this world and so as long as I lean upon Him, the gates will never close and my fire will never burn out.

As I was pondering how to improve my ministry a few weeks ago, a wise friend said to me that as Christians, we are called to be living sacrifices for God. And so I considered her words and sought to learn what exactly is a living sacrifice. It almost seems a little contradictory because all through the old testament, sacrifice usually involves the killing of an animal.

Gensis 8:20, “Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it.”

Leviticus 22:19-22, “you must present a male without defect from the cattle, sheep or goats in order that it may be accepted on your behalf. ²⁰ Do not bring anything with a defect, because it will not be accepted on your behalf. ²¹ When anyone brings from the herd or flock a fellowship offering to the LORD to fulfill a special vow or as a freewill offering, it must be without defect or blemish to be acceptable. ²² Do not offer to the LORD the blind, the injured or the maimed, or anything with warts or festering or running sores. Do not place any of these on the altar as an offering made to the LORD by fire.”

Malachi 1:8, ” ‘When you bring blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice crippled or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?’ says the LORD Almighty.”

As I read over these verses, the part that struck me the most was that in order for a sacrifice to be worth of God, it must be pure, clean, and without blemish or defect. Therefore, if I want to be a “sacrifice” for God, I must allow the Spirit to come and wash away my bad habbits, worldly thinking, critical nature, sins of the tongue, selfishness, etc etc. Only then can I be a useful “sacrifice” for God.  After all, I am only as powerful as I am pure.

Hebrews 9: 12-14, “He [Jesus] did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption. ¹³The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. ¹⁴How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!”

God’s promise shows that because Christ was the ultimate sacrifice, we no longer need to offer animal sacrifices. We don’t need to put a lamb upon the altar when the Lamb of God had already paid for our sins. He was truly the sacrifice that was clean and without blemish in every way. Through Him, we can live for God by being a living sacrifice. But how? This verse caught my eye:

Genesis 22:2, “² Then God said [to Abraham], “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”

Now we all know that God did not really intend for Abraham to kill his son Issac. He merely wanted to see who Abraham loved more, Issac or God. But the point here is that God wanted Abraham to sacrifice the thing that he loved the most in this world, who happened to Issac. In that same way, as we present ourselves to be living sacrifices, we are to give God our very best. This means, He wants our best skills, our best talents, our best years, our best relationships, our best possessions, etc etc. And does He not deserve our best? Yes, because He gave us His best.

This is a difficult concept to put into practice but I can honestly say that each time I choose to give God my best, He had never disappointed me. In my ministry and in other parts of my life, I have only to remember:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasuring, perfect will.”

Romans 12:1-2

My friend gave me some leftover day-old bagels at a prayer meeting last week. I put them in the fridge and forgot about them for two days. On the morning of the third day, I needed something to eat on my out and and so I grabbed these now three-day-old bagels. Of course, at the time, it seemed like a good idea. But fast-forward twelve hours and even a five-year-old can tell you that it was not.

Now normally, I’m a stickler for fresh food. I usually buy fresh fruits and vegetables, meat, dairy, and bread. On occassion, I may pick up frozen veggies or dried fruit, but those occasions are rare. So what made me reach for stale bagels when my stomach is clearly used to fresh? One word: convienience.

Matthew 9:17 says “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.”

The difficulty of being a believer (new wine) is not that we can’t walk away from old sinful habits (old wineskin).  It’s remembering not to be careless and falling back into those old wineskins that end up ruining our newfound faith.

Every January, I see lots of “resolutioners” crowding up our office gym. We regulars have to navigate around them, but by February, they’re mostly gone. This year, however, they were gone before the end of the first week. While I think’s admirable to make New Year’s resolutions regarding and exercise, it is even more important to keep those resolutions beyond January! Ask anyone who has successfully lost weight and they’ll tell you that losing the weight is half the battle, and keeping it off is the other half.

I believe in fresh beginnings, especially in light of the New Year. However, each day is a fresh beginning in and of itself. While it’s easy to set a goal or target, it’s hard to fight that battle (spiritually or physically) every single day. So how does one stay motivated? By keeping your eye on the prize.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:14

There is pain. The scars linger for months, even years. And most of all, it makes us afraid. Fear overtakes, anger explodes, bitterness develops. So why the fire?

Wildfires are actually a natural occurance in certain areas of the world. I once learned that there are plants that actually thrive after a wildfire. There are other plants that are dependent on fires to melt the seed structures so that the seeds can be freed and distributed by the wind. With the emergence of civilization, humans tried to eliminate wildfires and as a result, many plant species decreased in number and eventually went extinct. Meanwhile, a high amount of carbon built up in those areas and without the fires to clean them off, the carbon keeps accumulating until lightning strikes a tree and sparks fly and before anyone realizes it, a superfire is spreading across the continent.

So we need fires. We need them to burn off our sin; we need them to burn off our pride. And we need the fire of suffering to burn off our shallowness. Only then, can we have compassion, patience, forgiveness, and understanding. Only then, can we be free to grow and produce fruit.

So then, we know He’ll walk with us through every furnace. We know that He does not waste an experience, whether in weakness, strength, victory, or suffering. We can cherish and rejoice in our sufferings because they are blessings. Is this where I can finally heal?

It’s funny how phone calls with family can put a damper on an otherwise happy day. I’m not sure when my mother got this way, but when I started job hunting back in October of 2007, she felt the need to take the burden upon herself. It’s admirable that she wanted to help me, but it wasn’t necessary. True, I didn’t get my dream job offer until the day of graduation, but I would like to believe that God’s timing was perfect.

Two years have passed and she seems to have learned to let go. Until last week, when she began insisting that I have a backup plan in an area of my life that only God can provide. I tried to tell her that I don’t need a plan B but she would not relent. My mother was a Christian for many years and was baptized during my sophomore year of college. It apalls me how little she trusts the Lord. When I point this out to her, she argues that I wouldn’t understand because I’m not a mother. She’s right, I’m not, but  I pray that when I am, I’ll have a lot more faith in God because all that worrying does not add a single day to anyone’s life.

So then I begin to examine my own life. Yes, in that particular area, I have surrendered completely to Him. But in other areas, I am holding back and I do have Plan B’s for that “just in case.” But this is not how we are called to live. It’s one thing to be prepared but we needn’t go to extremes with worry and fear. Jesus didn’t have a Plan B in case they ran out of crosses. Abraham didn’t have a Plan B when God told him to sacrifice Issac. Although…before Isaac was born, his wife, Sarah, did have a Plan B in case God didn’t come through with an heir for them. She told Abraham to sleep with her maid Haggar so they could at least have a son that way. But then Isaac came along and Abraham had to make special provisions for Haggar and her son so they won’t be in Isaac’s way.

See how unnecessary and troublesome Plan B’s can be! When God says that He is going to deliver, we should have faith even when common sense tells us not to. In my case, I have even more reason to trust Him. I just pray that my mother would eventually see this truth.

It’s easy to take action, especially when we feel dissatisfied with people, circumstances, etc. But it is far easier to clean up a situation when somebody waited a little longer than they should have, versus someone who took action when they shouldn’t have.

I live in such a fast-paced city and I see it all around me. But as believers, waiting is inevitable. We just have to remember that we serve an awesome God who is in control of every single thing on this earth and beyond and His timing is perfect. He had orchestrated things perfectly for me in the past and He will continue to do so in the future. In that same way, I have no need to take matters into my own hands, rush out, and make a twenty-first century version of the Israelites’ golden calf. Resting and waiting boldly with quiet confidence is an important and necessary skill. Of course, all this may be easy to accept, but what do I do when some well-meaning person wants to make a golden calf for me? For now, I’ll politely decline but refrain from grinding it into bits, putting it into water, and drinking it….

I was battling a major sense of discouragement when I realized my new small group was shrinking. Granted, this was no one’s fault in particular. Many changes and transitions are taking place and perhaps it is I who fears change. I went in this evening not intending to share my latest testimony, a story I had kept to myself for seven months. But after all I had learned from the weekend, I realized that it was time. Turned out to be the right choice. The masks came off and we all openly shared parts of our lives that are hindering our faith. Suddenly, my doubts and insecurities seemed so minicule. Small group is about pursuing God in a community, and being leader is about being there for each member and guiding the group for the work of God. My group may be shrinking at the moment, but He placed me here for a reason and I believe He’ll provide.

and everything’s changed. For starters, teen dramas like One Tree Hill no longer hold much amusement for me. They never really did but when there’s nothing else to watch…

I attended the SHAPE workshop yesterday and had to take the DISC personality test again. I remember taking it three years ago for my summer internship and assumed that I would score pretty the same. I was a bit surprised to see that I’ve changed. Although, I’m still pre-dominately Cautious and Contemplative, I’ve become more Steady and Secure. I’m still very much task-oriented, but in my new positions of ministry, I need to learn to be more people-oriented. So those personality blends, it’s actually quite difficult it is to live out a biblical lifestyle is an unbiblical world. Going with the flow and doing the popular thing is always easier. Now wonder Daniel had to pray three times a day! But I do take comfort in the fact that if God calls me to do something, He will provide.

I don’t remember the last time I was this happy without the influence of chocolate. In many ways, this weekend was both a beginning and an end.

The theme of this year’s Frontline Fall Retreat was High School. Not that I particularly disliked high school; in fact, I think I was quite content with my experiences. Yet looking back, I realized that I was self-concious, insecure, and continuously struggled with self-deprecation and pride. When graduation finally rolled around, I could not wait to leave. Perhaps it was my classmates, teachers, academics, arts, or athletics. Or perhaps it was just me. And when I walked away from high school six years ago, I thought that all those experiences, both and bad, were finally done and over with. I should have known that everything we bury always have a way of rising back up again…

It wasn’t until I arrived on site and saw the other greeters dressed in school uniforms did the memories come flashing back. I had unfinished business with high school that I didn’t want to admit, even to myself. The teen years were a very interesting time. So many things were changing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I didn’t have the boldness or confidence to live the way I wanted to. But with His grace, by junior year, I had a great group of friends, did well in my advanced placement classes, and was involved in many extracurriculars. But was I happy?

I know the mistakes I made back then and this weekend, I was given a chance. A chance to try again. A chance to live boldly and confidently, not for myself but for Him. And for that reason, I was excited and I cheered.

I don’t regret the things I did in high school but if given the chance, I would probably do a few things differently. I wouldn’t care so much about what my peers thought. I wouldn’t worry so much about academics. And most importantly, I would keep Him at the center of my life.

I learned two important lessons this weekend. First, everything in my life is a gift from Him. That means everything from my career to the grocery coupon left outside of my door. I needn’t spend time lamenting or complaining about anything because He oversees everything. That being said, I have no reason to fear or doubt and so my second lesson is to simply live with boldness for Him.

Now, if only Frontline will do a College-themed retreat…